Missing New Zealand

This video shows some of my reasons why I want to go back to NZ, probably the most beautiful country in the world. 

All my dreams seem to guide me to Aotearoa.

One day soon I will be there again !

To my dear friends in NZ

Now, after about 5 months being back to my old life I should be able to consider my feelings. Indeed time is healing the sorrow about my departure from New Zealand, but I will always Keep my memories. Still I feel very connected to the people on the other side of the world I learned to love. I can't just close a door and start a new section of my life and I don't want to either. Luckily today there are so many ways of communicating. Obviously it's not the same as being with people, but it still connects us like a rope. Hopefully it will always stay like that; I will always think of you and remember how wonderful you are. We have to see each other again ! Why on earth did I have to go to the other side of the world, that doesn't really help organising a visit.

But: I WILL COME BACK !!!

Nach nun mehr als 5 Monaten wieder in der Heimat sollte ich in der Lage sein meine Gefühle sortieren zu können.
Tatsächlich ist es so, dass die Zeit den Trennungsschmerz mildert.
Doch keine Zeit vermag mir die Erinnerungen zu nehmen.
Immer noch verspüre ich die starke Zuneigung zu meinen liebgewonnen Menschen in Neuseeland.
Abschließen mit der Sache , also die Tür schließen und eine Neue öffnen, dass kann und möchte ich nicht. Zum Glück gibt es heute so viele Möglichkeiten miteinander in Verbindung zu bleiben, diese stellen aber keinen wirklichen Ersatz dar.
Aber wenn man sich schreibt oder telefoniert, ist man wie durch ein unsichtbares Band miteinander verbunden. So soll es für eine Ewigkeit bleiben, ich werde immer an euch denken !
Alle Menschen die mich in NZ begleitet haben, sind mir sehr wichtig geworden und ich habe jeden Einzelnen so lieb gewonnen.
Das Ergebnis daraus kann nur sein, dass wir uns eines Tages unbedingt wiedersehen müssen.
Auch wenn die Reise an "den Anfang der Welt" so beschwerlich ist.
Aber nichts kann mich abhalten, ich finde den Weg zurück.

Dear family:
Thank you that I was allowed to be with you.
Thanks for everything you did with and for me and for the lovely
time we had.
Thanks for showing me how it is to have 3 little sisters, for the Milo
in the evenings and for integrating me so much into your Family.
Thank you for your love, support and kindness.
I could never have found a better family than you !
Also thank you just for being there when I needed you.
And I still need you !

Dear friends:
Thank you for being as friendly and openhearted as you all were and
for integrating me well in your everyday life.
Thanks for our support and for the many beautiful and happy experiences I was allowed to share with you.

Dear Ciara:
I could not describe with words how much I miss you. You were my 2nd big sister and my best friend. You have helped me so many times, made me laugh, helped me organise my own party... I don't kn ow what I would have done without you ! I can recall so many wonderful moments with you by my side. We are so similar and yet different and I feel I can always trust you and that we will never be completely separated
from each other.
Thank you for all that and most of all for being yourself.  <3

I would like to thank all the people who accompanied me throughout the year and made it to something unique and fantastic.

Ich danke allen Menschen, die mich in diesem Jahr begleitet haben und die es zu einem einmaligen Erlebnis gemacht haben.

Hopefully we will stay in contact for a very very long time. You are the highlights of a wonderful year and I'll always be grateful for that.

Ich hoffe, dass wir für immer in Kontakt bleiben und uns nie ganz aus den Augen verlieren. Ihr seid die Höhepunkte in einem wundervollen
Jahr gewesen und das werde ich in meinen Erinnerungen immer
bei mir tragen.

Milin cen or gurieb, mellon!

For good

A wonderful and very touching song from the Musical "Wicked". Two friends say goodbye to each other, not knowing if they will ever meet again. Here is my version of it.

 https://soundcloud.com/franzi97/for-good-wicked-duett-mit-mir

Lyrics:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow,
If we let them
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime,
So let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind of the sea,
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun.
Like a stream that meats a boulder halfway through the wood.

Like a ship blown off it's mooring by a wind of the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

Isle of Inisfree

So here is a song called "Isle of Inisfree" from the irish band "Celtic Woman". If you put in "New Zealand" it's describing my situation perfectly well...

 I've met some folks,

Who say that I'm a dreamer,
And I've no doubt
There's truth in what they say.
But sure a body's bound to be a dreamer
When all the things he loves are far away.

And precious things
Are dreams unto an exile.
They take him o'er
The land across the sea.
Especially when it happens he's an exile
From that dear lovely Isle of Inisfree

And when the moonlight
Peeps across the rooftops
Of this great city,
Wondrous though it be,
I scarcly feel its wonder or laughter:
I'm once again back home in Inisfree.

I wonder o'er green hills,
Through dreamy valleys
And find a peace
No other land would know.
I hear the birds make music fit for angels
And watch the rivers laughing
As they flow.

And then into a humble shack I wander--
My dear old home--
And tenderly behold
The folks I love,
Around the turf fire gathered;
On bended knee
Their rosary is told.

But dreams don't last
Though dreams are not forgotten
And soon I'm back
To stern reality.
But though they pave
The footways here with gold dust,
I still would choose
My Isle of Inisfree.

Plans for the future

Probably everyone, who has been in a foreign country for a longer time, wants to go back there. To remember all the joys of the past and meet your friends and host families again.
That is my wish, too. But then there are so many questions: Should I go in winter or summer ? Could I take my family or shall I go back alone ? Rent a car, take the bus or a caravan? B&B or youth hostels ?
There is so much planning to do and you have to start really early so that you are still able to pay the flights. It's all so so so complicated !!!

I have decided now, that I won't go back to school in NZ. It would have been great and I really wanted to have conducting as subject, but there would also be disadvantages. I would not have finished Year 10 in Germany nor get my A-Levels. I would have mostly taken musical subjects, but what if that doesn't work ? There wouldn't be another subject I could study. And to do History, Biology and so on in New Zealand would probably have been too hard.
That's why I will finish school in Germany.

Still I would go back anyday and stay there as long as possible. This exchange was a very Special Thing and it has probably changed my life.
I can only advise everyone to go to live in New Zealand for some time.
It will be your most wonderful time !
Oh, what I would give to turn the time back...

And I dream:

 

What can you see

On the horizon ?

Why do the white gulls call ?

Across the sea

A pale moon rises;

The ships have come to carry you home.

 

                                                                     Into the West, Annie Lennox

 

 

Ciara's visit

Ciara and her mum returned my visit on monday the 29th April. They arrived at about 1pm with the Train and my parents picked them up for coffee and cake before I was picked up from school as well.
I showed them around our flat and after her mum had left again Ciara, mum and I played... well, guess... yes, board games !
My parents were so glad to meet them, too !

On tuesday Ciara and I went to school together: I had Philosophy, Religion, History, German and PE (volleyball). She told me she found it very interesting and the students and teachers were nice and interested, but she would not like to have to go to school in Germany permanently because our lessons are so complex and difficult. I can definitely understand that !
Afterwards we went to a big creative shop. Ciara was very excited because there isn't such a big arts shop in Christchurch anymore. Dinner was at Vapiano, my very favourite restaurant.

at the mall

my school

After a little sleep in we skype Claire in NZ before we went to the high ropes course. It was a lot of fun, but we had to wait a very long time before we could start climbing.
The evening was the highlight: the Musical "Starlight Express" in Bochum. We hadn't told Ciara where we were going so she did not know anything until it had started. We both loved it !!!

the "train museum"... the Musical.

Her train left early on thursday. We brought her to the station to another goodbye. The worst one actually.
I wasn't able to concentrate much in school afterwards and in the evening I just cried. Of course we texted until she had left Germany.
A bit of New Zealand had come here and now she was gone again and it was worse than before.
At least my parents are now thinking about visiting NZ in July 2014. Wouldn't that be awesome ???

So one of the best things of my stay in NZ is, that I have found a friend for my whole life.

Visiting Ciara

That saturday evening I arrived at the train station in Bielefeld where we were met by Ciara. It was so so so great to see her again and I think we were both a bit speechless. I had missed her so much !
Together we bussed to the huge apartment they had rented where I also met Ciara's mum.
We were switching languages all the time because I longed to speak English again and Ciara wanted to get used to speaking German again.
In the evening we all played board games such as "Das verrückte Labyrinth" or "Malefiz" and it really was a lot of fun. We also talked a lot about everything.
The next day we visited her grandma and went on a little walk to
the playground.
We had the most fun, but unfortunately I had to go to school again too soon. Another farewell; at least it was only for a very short time for she would visit me again next week.
I will look forward to that and not be too sad.

And here are some photos from my final day in Bielefeld:
 

Meet the Schools 2013

Hamburg, the 20th of April 2013

 

Slowly the Unilever House in Hamburg filled. With directors from New Zealand schools, members from my agency, Hausch & Partner, and of course us Returnees, the ones with the yellow shirts.

We attended the fair to tell interested students and their parents about what a stay in NZ or Australia can be like and present the different areas and schools.

Mr Mitchell from Burnside greeted me with a hug. It was so nice to see him again, to be able to talk English with people and here the lovely Kiwi-accent.

Together with him and Lennart (who was at Burnside the year before) we had nice conversations with interested families about NZ, Christchurch, Burnside High, the Music Programme, host families, Outdoor Education and much more, switching languages all the time.

It was quite fun, but after our lunch break there were decidedly less people coming. But even the TV was there filming us !

After 6 hours the fair closed, my mum picked me up and we had to hurry to catch our train back (it took about 4 hours to get to Duisburg).

Well, actually I went to see Ciara afterwards who was staying with her German grandma in Bielefeld. So it was an exciting day followed by a very exciting weekend.

the Unilever-House at the fair

with Mr Mitchell and Lennart

all Returnees together

NCEA results

In February our NCEA marks were put upon the NZQA website.
Over all I was very pleased with mine (I achieved with Merit which is the second best mark). Other students had always told me that the Mocks from Burnside would be so much harder than the ones from other Schools so the actual End of Year Exam shouldn't have been too difficult to manage.
I achieved all of them, Music, Maths, Drama and English, but still my Mocks had been a bit better.
Anyway, I am happy with my results !
I think the most important thing to look at are not your marks but the development you did in the time you were away. For example in my compositions or in my English essays.
You also can't really say Merit would be like the mark 2 or 3 in Germany, you just have to see it as two completely different things, uncomparable.
It was a good experience writing the exams (although sometimes I had been a bit sad with the other internationals who went on trips in that time) because it gives you the feeling that school there was more... real.
It really made you become a student like everyone else.
And actually, the externals weren't too bad anyway...
Here's the link to the website if you want to have a look.
It doesn't only show students their results, but you can research and find anything that may help you preparing for your own exams along with old exam papers, answer sheets and evaluation tables. So have a look !
http://www.nzqa.govt.nz/

Returnee Meeting

The "Returnee Meeting" of my agency Hausch & Partner was on the 17th of February 2013. For 6 hours about 10 international students from the last year met in Mrs Hausch's office in Hamburg to talk about their stay in New Zealand or Australia and share their experiences. It was so great to finally be with people that feel the same way you do, that understand you. We compared each others experiences, recognized simmilarities and differences. Memories were shared and we laughed a lot.
Once again, I think, we were all getting very "home"-sick for our hostfamilies and friends on the other side of the world.
Again time went by so very fast !
All of us wrote down a bit of advice for future internationals, mostly consisting of: Pack your suitcase and then unpack half of it again because you won't need it.
It was a very good idea to come to Hamburg for this final meeting. Still I will see some of them again, because we were asked to help the agency at fairs and tell interested people how great a longer stay in a foreign country can be. I, for example, will meet the director of my New Zealand school very soon and support him at a fair. That will be fun !
Home again I felt like I had just returned from NZ once again.

Back at my German school

Although my parents had asked my old German School for my new timetable more than once, they didn't receive one. I was told to join a friend at her classes and then to decide myself which teacher I wanted to have.
So I went along to a French period on Monday morning, it was the 7th of January 2013.
I hadn't done any French for a few years and I dropped it for this year so I just sat there and did nothing really.
But instead of giving me free choice I got my timetable in the next break. So much to the good German organisation! So I went to all my future classes and many people greeted me and asked me about my stay in NZ, but I just didn't know what to answer. I couldn't just say "Great !" or something because that doesn't describe what I experienced in the last year.
What would they like to hear?
What was the best thing that happened to you? Do you miss them? Of course I do !!!!
Some teachers were really interested as well and it was quite nice to see who remembered me.

Recently the German school system has changed. Instead of 13 we'll only have 12 years of School now. In the last two years you have to collect points that lead to your graduation marks.
Being in New Zealand for a year I would have missed the first half of Year 11, but that's not allowed because I Need the points. So now I'm back in Year 10 again with new People and I hardly know anyone. In the breaks I still meet with the friends from my old year, but I don't really talk a lot in my classes.
Why is it so much harder to find new friends in Germany
than in New Zealand?
Luckily there are other girls who were in a foreign country for some time, Ireland, America or Canada for example. We started the tradition of talking in English to each other to not lose our ability to do so. It's great practice ! Although other students probably think we're crazy...

I miss my Burnside very much.
And I'm actually starting to think it a pity that we don't have school uniforms. Ok, they weren't so pretty and very uncomfortable as well, but somehow they changed the whole attitude to school for good. I can't really explain it. Anyway for a while I thought every student I saw that day was in Year 13 (Seniors didn't wear school uniform at Burnside High), but that would be impossible...

School hasn't changed a lot. The portait I painted 2 years ago is still on the wall along with the others, our library seems even smaller and more boring-academic, the computers don't have Sibelius to play or compose something, we're not allowed to play piano when we have free periods...
It's such an early start and a looooooooong day !

my Legolas-portait

Christmas and holidays, opera and university

Christmas followed very soon after my arrival in Germany on the 20th of December 2012. As always my family was there, my sister, parents and grandparents. It was cold outside although it didn't exactly snow unfortunately. The traditional German Christmas food was cooked, no sign of fish 'n chips. The Christmas tree also would have been real if we would have had one this year.
Of course I had to talk a lot and tell them every detail of my stay in NZ. In the last few days my parents had almost seen all of my photographs. Almost ! And also every book, picture or souvenir I had brought home with me. Somehow it felt like nothing had changed this past year. Everything was so normal !
I realised then that I actually hadn't missed anything important here in Germany, that life was as always and only I had so many new experiences. It was like time had stopped here to give me the chance to try out a new life.

 Preparing for the Christmas dinner

Mum, Janine and I are singing carols to the piano

It were the third winter Holidays in a row for me and my parents took me to Austria for 2 weeks. We walked in midst a beautiful world of ice and snow. It was so high that sometimes we sink in up to the chest. For the first time in at least 7 years I went skiing again, but I wasn't used to it anymore. I had grown a bit more scared of the steep and icy slopes than I had been when I was 5 and it also hurt !
At New Year's Eve I was still so tired that I went to sleep at 11pm after we had our very very small private firework.
But at any rate it was the right decision to go on a holiday together. I could spend time with my family and get used to my new-old life again. So maybe going away on holidays is a good idea for other returnees as well, although I have read, that some people rather like to stay home after such a long absence.
It probably is a very personal thing.

beautiful landscape

nighttime sledging

hiking

playing

Zell at the Lake

spending time together

The New Year's Eve fireworks I missed, fortunately my dad did not.

And of course skiing...

If my family has noticed any difference in my character? Not really. My mum only says that I am more cuddly than before, but I'm still the same person.

Immediately after my arrival I also started preparing for my audition for being a Junior Student at the Robert Schumann University in Düsseldorf.  Some weeks I had three singing lessons and I learned a lot in that time. Then on the 31st of January (the week I also did my work experience in the theatre) I sang 2 and a half songs in front of about 8 judges and answered a few questions about how often I would practice etc. It was over very fast (not 30 minutes as I had expected but barely 10) and I could go home. I had a good feeling and when a letter arrived only a week or so later I was very happy to find out that I had been accepted into the Programme. So from April on I will have two singing lessons a week with Professor Dr. Michail Lanskoi and every two weeks the whole saturday with theory like rhythmic and music history.
It's so great ! I have never been sure that they would accept me although I was the only one auditioning with voice, but I'm so glad now ! And very thankful to my singing teacher Mr Schotenröhr who was a very big help the last years and who actually made me come a step closer to my dream of becoming a professional singer later. Thank you !!!

at the uni in Düsseldorf

last practice

Furthermore I joined a choir in another city, Essen. We already sang big works like Carmina Burana, Stabat Mater from Pergolesi or the St Matthew Passion. Also we are part of the choir for the production of Parsifal. That is a 5-hour Wagner opera. Singing on a big stage is very fun and to be around professional singers so often very interesting. Of course there are very many rehearsals and at least one performance every week. We actually get paid for being there !

Here's the flyer of our very modern production "Parsifal" with Jeffrey Dowd in the title role.

All this keeps me very busy, even  more busy than in New Zealand, but I love it. It helps a bit to not be so sad about what I had to leave behind though, of course, I miss NZ and all my friends there a lot. I don't think that'll ever change and I don't want it to either !
I will always remember...

A horrible flight back home

At the Airport we had slight problems at first with my 2nd suitcase because they didn't know how much Lufthansa wants paid for the transport, so I only pay 115$.
I got so nervous !!!
The Moolenaars, Ciara and I sat and talked, but I wasn't able to be very communicative, I felt sick because I hadn't eaten the whole day and also had a slight headache. Once out of sight of my very best friends and my great family I cried. A lot.

Our Orc-face

 

the last photo

They had moved me to a seat right in the front row. The Lady at the check-in asked me if I wanted another one because I would have the responisibility to help the other passengers out first in case of an emergency. I cried so much I couldn't really understand her so she asked if I could speak English. Anyway I took the seat and it was a short flight to Auckland anyway.
A Stewardess gave me a whole box of tissues and all the Hobbit cups they had there, a magazine and a whole bag of lollies !!!

The tunnel  from the plane to the Airport featured Bag End and I was Kind of happy again ! I found the free shuttle to the Auckland International Airport, but once there I was very confused so had to ask where to go and felt quite miserable.
A huge statue of Thorin greeted me in the hall and I also saw the Hobbit plane !!! If only I would fly over America...
The Moolenaars texted me as long as I still was in NZ and I wrote with Mum on Facebook so I felt a Little bit better, but still very sad and scared.
If I would be able to fly around the world on my own ???
Maybe I should just fly back to Christchurch that very moment ?
I so wished I could but...

A giant dwarf - Thorin?

My dream!!! If I would have had my flight back over L.A. instead of Hong Kong... but I would have seated myself on the wing so I could keep staring at Kili, Thorin and Co.

My plane only took of at half past 1 AM instead of 11.14pm and I was very bored. I bought myself a crunchie, I probably won't eat one again in the near future. 

The flight was horribly long, but I watched all Lord of the Rings movies and also the Hunger Games and the Avengers. I had watched all These before, but I didn't really care.
I got really sick when we landed in Hong Kong and I still don't know why. Probably the stress, fear, no Food the whole day, tiredness, sadness... probably all of that together.

We had 1 hour in Hong Kong, but still I almost missed my check-in time because I sat in front of the wrong gate. Fortunately some guy told me I had to go upstairs so I was still in time.

On the flight from Hong Kong to London I finally opened the bag Ciara had given me at the airport. It contained 2 Kiwi and Sheep Rubbers, the necklace I had worn as Tiara for the Hobbit premiere and a self-written book with funny photos, a LotR quiz and facts... reaaaally cute !!!
I almost started to cry again.

During the 3 hours in London Heathrow I was almost starving (didn't have any English Money with me), but I still felt sick. The changing time zones confused me and I just wanted to be home, eat, maybe take a bath and sleep.

I actually arrived at 8.25pm in Düsseldorf, got my bags (I had to carry all of them alone !) and moved to the Exit. There I was greeted by my dad (of course with his camera), Opa and Oma with flowers, my sister Janine with her gitarre and mum and my best friend Anke with a cute poster of "Welcome Home" singing a self-written song (with the melody of my favourite band, The BossHoss).
On the drive home I only talked English. I don't know, even when the Stewardess wished me a "Schönen Abend." I could only say "Bye".
Looking out of the window everything seemed so grey and ugly !
The sun isn't shining half as brightly as it did in NZ (maybe also because it's winter here).
At home my room seemed huge to me, all the cupboards and so on have swapped places and there are new Hobbit posters on the walls. In the whole flat there are New Zealand flags and other little reminders of my one year stay on the other side of the world.
Finally I ate a Laugenstange again and really enjoyed drinking sparkling water ! I was surprised with a short skype with Ciara (I miss her already sooooo much !!!). Although I was so tired I somehow found the strength to show my parents, Janine and Anke a few of my 16thousand photos so we only went to sleep at midnight. And missed more than half of the next day while sleeping.

And this is the first picture of my arrival at Düsseldorf airport.

 

My mum, best friend and sister

The decorated house

New Hobbit sheets

Photos of everyone

 

Taking in all the details

 

New books about New Zealand... are they preparing to send me away again ?

 

Surprise-skype with my best friend Ciara

 

 

Starting to unpack on the next day

The final signature-flag

Oh, and this was my planner for New Zealand with all the things I had to do. 

Could have been more, don't you think ? 

I am home now, but where is home really ?
I will always have to leave one country, one home and family behind to find the other one.
That makes me sad and happy at the same time.

And like Bilbo Baggins I will always go
There and back again.